I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
