I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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