I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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