We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
