Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
