The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
