if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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