Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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