textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
