Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I smell stomach acid.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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