Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All the doctor said was why
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
