whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize