yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude. I can hear the air.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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