Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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