Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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