So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
