a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
