We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
