Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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