Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
