omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
