Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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