Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
