He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
