Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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