we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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