So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
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all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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