I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
