is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
