Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I've blown a few things in my day
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
love makes seman taste better
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
