so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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