He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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