I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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