I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
