Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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