Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
