I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
