Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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