listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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