The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You left your underwear on the fireplace
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
