You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize