Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
