We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
