Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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