I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
