I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The Olympian is in my bed
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
