The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
