We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
