Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I faked an abortion last night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
