Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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