People with herpes should wear stickers.
time to smoke my breakfast
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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