So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
