Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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