bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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