They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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