i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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