She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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