playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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