there's paper in my vomit.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
