You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
