jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
