dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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