In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize