I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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