It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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