I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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