guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
