I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
