he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
