He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
