I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
