I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
