I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
