im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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