eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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