erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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