The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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