...so i touched it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
