I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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