before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
