I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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